Once there was a woman to went to her priest and confessed that she had gossipped about someone. The priest assured her he will not give her thirty Hail Mary's. All he wanted of her were two things. First she was to go home, find the nicest pillow she had, take it to the roof, split the pillow and fluff out all the feathers. She was then to come back to him for the second thing. Genuinely repentant she did what the priest instructed and returned to him. He then told her to go back home and pick up every feather that she had spilled from the pillow earlier. She was naturally aghast. "How can I find every feather? They have gone all over the place!" she protested. "Exactly," said the priest. "That's what happens to gossips."
Slander is probably one of the oldest sin in the world; older even than the proverbial sin of prostitution. The first slanderer was the serpent in the Garden of Eden, when it insinuated to the woman that it was because God knows that her and her husband's eyes will be opened and they will be like Him that He had commanded them not to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen 3). Today, it has become one of the most widespread evils in the world. The vast scope provided by the Internet to hide the identity of its users has also encouraged slander, making it a great deal easier to be anonymous in our mischief. At a different level, it has developed into a fine dark art by professionals who often carry lofty titles like "publicity managers," or more casually "spin doctors." Anyone who has kept up with the process of electing the US president in 2016 will recognize it as, for politicians, a "necessity" for winning the race to the capitol. But slander, from a biblical perspective, is a sin on a par with idolatry and murder; it is one of the Ten Commandments. And for those at the receiving end of slander, it is one of the most painful experiences any person can go through. Despite these facts, the church has tragically often resorted to its dark power to do "good works in the Name of God," and most Christians do not know how to respond to it esp. as bystanders.
So what is slander?
Slander is defined, from the biblical perspective, by the words of the 9th Commandment: "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbours" (Exo 20:16; Deut 5:20).
Very simply put, slander is the deliberate act of misrepresenting a person, of painting a false impression of him/her. Just as the Second Commandment's injunction not to misrepresent God falsely by making an idol of Him that does not reflect who He is, so this commandment requires us not to misrepresent our neighbour.
The key words in this definition of slander are deliberate and false. We all make mistakes, and without the best of intentions we do say things—even if they are good things—about other people that turn out to be untrue. These are honest mistakes, not slander, though the person at the receiving end of our mistake may not choose to see it that way. Slanders, most of all, are defined by the fact that what is presented are false. It is our responsibility to ensure that what we do say is true. This is one of the great privileges of being like God, made in His image.
While the concept of slander can be represented by many different words—and the Hebrew Bible does use a number of different words that may properly be understood as slander—slander is viewed with such great importance by the Bible that the various forms of the English word 'slander' (verbs, nouns, adjective and adverb) alone appear about 50x in the NIV (34x in NRS & 14x in NKJ). To these may be added such expressions "speaking evil of," "speak against," "malign," etc, that contextually may be understood as slander. Injunctions against slandering take every form in the Bible, from direct injunctions against it, to case laws that point to its evil, the cries of pain from men who had been injured by such slanders in the psalms, the ethical teachings of Jesus, to the apostolic exhortations. Few evils are so comprehensively covered, which suggests that it is one of the commonest, and the one to which we are most easily lured to fall into. To see specific examples of these injunctions and teachings, just open the concordance on the word.
How then should we respond to Scriptures' strong teachings against slander? To answer this question we need first to recognize that at least four parties are involved in a slander. There is, first of all, God who has clearly made known what He thinks of slander; He hates it. Second, there is the slanderer who created the slander. Third, there is the slandered, the victim. Finally, there is the bystander, the person to whom the slander was communicated. Let us look at each in turn.
If you have never been slandered before, count it one of God's great blessings, for there can be few experiences in life more harrowing, lonely and soul-wrenching than becoming a victim of slander when one is innocent of the accusations. It is painful enough if we lose a child to death. We may be left with a hole in the heart that will take a long time to heal. It leaves us perplexed and baffled why our child should be taken who is so innocent and such a joy. To be slandered, however, leaves a gash. Suspicion and anger hangs like an evil odour on all we know who have heard that slander; why did they not defend us? Are they really our friends who did not stand up for us? Are we that kind of a person in their eyes and hearts? Until the accussations of the slander are cleared up these painful questions never go away. Slander leaves us vulnerable, corrodes our confidence and tarnishes in our self-esteem.
So, what can or should you do? We suggest a number of things.
1. Do not lash back at the slanderer. It only lowers you to the abject level where your slanderer stands. Truth always prevails. If we have lived our lives in visible righteousness, people will see the falsehood for what it is.
2. If you need to cry at such injustice done to you, do cry. Most of all, cry in the deep embrace of God's arm. Shout in His presence at such evil if you need to. God will not chastise you for it for He understands.
3. Do not get angry at those whom you think should have defended you but who did not. Always remember that not all who eat with us are our friends (though we wish they are). Even if they are Christians. Remember that most Christians—and, sadly, this includes leaders—are more familiar with the jargon of Christian spirituality than they are with its reality. Do not expect them to be the knights in armour who will ride to your rescue; most of them, like us, have never seen an armour before, never mind fighting in them.
4. Do not waste your time trying to understand why. Evil is evil; it never understood reason and never needed one for its dark motive. And slander is evil. Did God permit it? In the ultimate scheme of things, we have to say Yes, for the devil can do nothing on its own. So why did God permit it, and especially permit it to happen to me? Me! All the wisdom of God's people will tell you that God is so wise He never lets us know the answer until we don't need it, for by then we would have understood. And then we will look back with gratitude. If we are prepared, that is, to stay the walk with God as He walks through the pain of it with us.
4. Forgive your slanderers for, truly, "they know not what they do." If slanderers understand the significance of what they do they would not stoop so low to do it. Forgiving is an act of grace and it can only be done with God's grace. To forgive is to be allowed to stand with our Lord Jesus in the most fundamental act of His ministry, to bring God's forgiveness. Forgiveness also frees us. As long as we do not forgive we will always return to the crime against us and feel its sharp thorns digging into us again. As long as we do not forgive, therefore, we leave the door open for our slanderer to hurt us again. Our life is too precious for such abuses. Forgiving is the way to say No to them continuing to hurt us.
There is no such thing as an "innocent" bystander when it comes to slander. If being a victim is one of the most harrowing experiences anyone can go through, not responding to slanders when we hear and recognize it to be such is one of the greatest acts of cowardice we can commit. Nowhere is the famous saying that "all it needs for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing" more apt than in the failure of those who hear it to think they are only "innocent" hearers. The failure to act decisively to check slander is tantamount to being a falicitator in the crime. And if the target of that slander is a person whom we know is not one who would do such a thing, the failure to stand up in his/her defence is one of the most treacheous acts of betrayal we can commit; it is an act no true neighbour could consider.
What should you do if you have so failed your friend or neighbour by failing to protect his reputation? The answer is simple. Repent before God, confess your cowardice. Then go to your neighbour and ask his/her forgiveness (and bring along the best cake you can find in town; if he/she decides to slap it into your face for acting the way you did, be thankful, because you really deserve worse). Ask how the slander had affected his/her life? Ask specifically what material damage had the slander caused and make sure you take every effort to help repair it; remember, if only you had acted righteously and checked the slander the damage and the pain could have been avoided. Often the damage could probably not be repaired, nor would you be forgiven. You will have to learn to manage the guilt and loss that is rightly yours, but remember God is merciful and His grace is sufficient, provided your remorse is genuine. If you are forgiven, be extremely thankful. Such forgiveness is a gift that does not come easily.
If you have been guilty of having bad-mouthed a brother, telling things about him that you knew was not true, what should you do?
If you are already thinking about the matter seriously, you have already begun to repent. That is good but that is also only the easy part.
As soon as you can, find a person who is trusted by the one you have slandered and confess what you have done to his friend. Request him to speak to the one you have slandered to ask if you may meet them together face to face so that you may ask the slandered for his forgiveness. Why this and not meet the slandered face to face alone? Because, after what you have done you don't deserve his private space anymore. You also need someone as a witness to the shame you have brought upon yourself and the genuine-nees of your repentance. If the slandered refuses your request convey through the friend your plea for forgiveness; write down exactly what you want to say and have the friend read it to the slandered. If the slandered chooses not to want to see you ever again, be thankful. Whether you meet face to face or plea for forgiveness through an intermediary, ask how you can repair any losses he had suffered as a result of your sin. Make it also very clear that it is your intention to confess to every person you can remember to whom you have bad-mouthed him. Like gossips you can never recover every one of the lies you have spread. You should, nonetheless, try. Ask your pastor for permission to speak to the congregation; confess simply, give no excuses, not justification, no explanation of why you did what you did. Make it clean and simple, an act of worship that a sinner had turned genuinely from his sin.
I just want to confess that I have wronged So-n-so. I slandered him, accusing him of this, this, and this. They were false. Here before the Lord, with you all as my witnesses, I ask for His forgiveness, and you's. Thank you.
We should not, as a church, have to come up with rules to punish gossips and slanderers. But imagine the power of our witness if we would only be faithful to one another before the Lord.
Low C. H.
©Alberith, 2017